


Finding a way

by Krzeslicko



Category: Wooden Overcoats
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, Long, Love/Hate, M/M, Non con kissing, OOC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-11
Updated: 2018-03-11
Packaged: 2019-03-29 16:45:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13931151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Krzeslicko/pseuds/Krzeslicko
Summary: Eric Chapman needed Rudyard to stop talking for a moment and focus on an important proposition.Finally, he found a solution that works, but- it's not pleasant for  any of them.Will they find a common ground, eventually?





	Finding a way

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have much experience with writing and characters are so ooc it hurts. But i spend many hours writing it (had fun tho) so I guess i may as well share it with you guys! 
> 
> Bear in mind that English is not my mother tongue and it's 2AM and I'm tired when publishing this fic.
> 
> Either way, I hope you enjoy!

Rudyard Funn runs a funeral jome in the island of Piffling. It used to be the only one. It isn’t anymore.

To say that Rudyard Funn and Eric Chapman didn’t exactly get on like a house on fire when they first met would be an understatement. Their personalities were so drastically different that on some days they couldn’t even stay on the same street without loathingly eyeing each other. 

One may suggest that the reason they weren’t able to get along was that in a way they were too similar. Primarily, Rudyard and Eric were both terribly ambitious. Their goal was to outdo the competitors no matter the cost. They would be happy to kill one another, if the push came to shove. They also loved the sound of their own voice. Poor victims exposed to their monologue usually had to give up on trying to interrupt the speaker and let him finish what he had in mind. Suffice to say, it sometimes intimidated their clients.

What tells Rudyard and Eric apart, however, is their personal view on the world. Funn is an idealist, while the latter is a realist. Chapman knows what world wants from him and is happy to oblige and Funn is… Well, he is completely and utterly clueless. He has no idea how the universe works but somehow he made it work. In a way.

A few months have passed since Eric Chapman opened a funeral home across from Funn Funerals and the relationship between the two owners became less violent. Understandably they weren’t yet friendly but there is a time for friendship and then there is a time for not hating each other. For now it would have to do. 

Although others may have not noticed that but there was something between them that neither of them were ready to explore. And me? Oh, I’m just your average house mouse.

***

Rudyard Funn was sitting in a rather comfortable chair with an expression on his face that could make a dead rise from its grave. His arms were crossed and his legs bounced under the table. From time to time he let his fingers brush against the rough fabric of his old suit. He looked around, purposefully avoiding looking in front of himself. Finally, he allowed his eyes to meet whatever was waiting him in that one, devilishly handsome but oh, how irritating, spot.

“Chapman” Rudyard hissed with his teeth gritted tightly.

Opposite to him was sitting a man his age. Their appearances couldn’t be less different, however. He was wearing a brand new well-tailored two pieced suit and his hair was well kept. He was maintaining a friendly expression; body language open and relaxed. Chapman seemed healthy as always. ‘What a shame’ thought Rudyard, trying his best not to run away with a horrifying scream on his lips.

Instead, he looked around and noted all the things Chapman kept in the dining room. A fireplace, a cosy armchair, a bookshelf. How peculiar. Where is all the dust? The papers you have to fill in but somehow never have a time to? A stain from a strange dish you left once on the floor because you were too lazy to actually put it in the fridge after eating half of it and it ended up staying there for over six months? Nowhere to be found.

“Rudyard, how nice of you to join me!” the man exclaimed and smiled even wider. That sent shivers down Rudyard’s spine.

Nothing in Eric’s voice indicated what was his current state of mind. Pissed off? Relaxed? Happy? His competitor really had no clue. Something wasn’t right, though, but he couldn’t quite tell what that was.

“Bugger off, Chapman. I only came because I care about my business, not because I wanted to. As a responsible adult I considered it a right thing to do.”

Funn really had not thought this thorough. When an invitation from his arch nemesis arrived (a long letter explaining circumstances written in a very polite manner in an envelope that smelled like lilies), he was confused at first. Why would this man send him a letter when he could easily cross the street and visit Funn Funerals anytime he wanted. Then, Rudyard plotted the whole scenario in which his rival poisons him during the dinner and then uses his charming persona to trick others into thinking that Antigone never had a brother. Although unreasonable, those thought were much more comforting than the more probable solution. That Eric Chapman was a man proper in a way no one has ever seen it and he just wanted to get to know his neighbour a bit more. After all, they have lived across the street from each other for quite a while now. Either way, Rudyard decided to give a dinner a go and met with the other man’s house the next day at 7 PM sharp.

“Still. I’m grateful.” Eric smiled at him again, although this time it seemed a bit forced if you ask Rudyard. “I wanted to talk to you about something but I didn’t have enough courage to speak my mind. You see, it’s all because of something that happened a long time ago-“ he stopped and stared blindly at the wall.

Rudyard sighted, trying his best not to look annoyed. Really, you have to give him the credit at least for that. When after a few minutes his neighbour still looked like a statue, he murmured loud “Chapman!” and then again, for the better effect. “Chapman, I still have no bloody clue as to why on Earth have you decided to invite me, your long-time nemesis, your arch rival, your…”

“Colleague? Friend?” teased the other undertaker.

“Yes, that. Wait. No! I am NOT calling you that” Rudyard huffed. Colleague? Friend? What a silly thought. To say that Eric and him were equal? No way.

“I’m pretty sure you just did” said Eric playfully. His smile reached his eyes, at last. His sight was fixed at the other man. That made Funn feel funny. Has he ever seen Chapman paying him that much attention? ‘Oh, THAT is a silly thought indeed’.

Rudyard Funn snorted but didn’t reply. He didn’t have to, though. They both knew that they were much more than they used to. At the beginning they were rivals. Then, they became allies. And now… ‘Well, as long as we don’t try to kill each other and he gets out of my way, I’m good’.

“I guess you’re right, though. I should tell you why I wanted you here tonight” Eric resumed the previous topic while getting up of the chair.

“That would be preferable, yes.” 

“But has to wait until the dinner is over” stated Chapman and disappeared under the counter. A moment later he appeared again, this time holding a lasagne in a ceramic pot. “I’ve prepared my best dish. A lasagne with cheese, vegetables, sauce and locally acquired fish. I hope you like it, Rudyard. I put all my love in it.”

“Wait until the dinner is over” echoed Rudyard. His eyes widened in shock. “Chapman! Are you going to keep me waiting until we are fished with your silly meal?”

“Why not, Rudyard? After all, dinner is an important meal”. Eric placed the pot on the table and grabbed a fork. “Now, which part is your favourite? The head or the tail?”

 

***

“Okay, Chapman” said Rudyard and put off his cutlery. “I have eaten your… dish. Can you tell me now why I’m here?”

“Didn’t you like it?” Eric looked a bit offended at the idea but let the thought go. “Yes, right. The reason why you’re here.”

“I’m waiting.”

“You are” agreed his fellow undertaker. He stayed quiet for a while. Finally, he started talking. “Well, firstly you need to know that when I arrived to this village, I never expected to fall in love with a girl so beautiful-“

“Get to the point already!” exclaimed Funn, agitated. He didn’t come here to hear all the great stories about Georgie. ‘But… why have I accepted the invitation? Curiosity at its best I suppose. Not every day does a man have an opportunity to get a look inside your rival’s house.’

“As you know, I fancy Georgina. But, to my demise, she does not share my feelings for her” began Chapman. “What I am proposing is. You say a good word or two about me to my love once in a while and I become your ally. I don’t want you to persuade her to marry me, I just want… to have a good relationship with her”.

“That makes you think I’ll do that? I don’t need your help with anything. If you want Georgie, fix your relationship yourself”.

“I know you’ll help me because you are broke and you need money and I can give it to you. And I won’t do it myself because she won’t talk to me. She will listen to your sister, though, and you can persuade Antigone to help me. I could meet with her but I figured she’s too good to manipulate her friend. You, on the other hand…” Eric stared at him intensively. “You would do it without hesitation.”

Dumbfounded, Rudyard Funn stayed silent for a while. And then he started talking. 

“Chapman! First of all, how dare you! We do have money, we just cut our water supplies for exercise! To make ourselves strong! How can someone like you judge us! Ha, we’ll laugh in your and your stupid fully equipped bathroom face when we’ll become unbreakable human beings! We don’t need your money to live to see another day, we are running a serious business, Chapman! Not that you know anything about it. You only stay here and earn money and-“

“Rudyard” groaned the other man, watching his colleague with an impatient look on his face.

“Don’t interrupt me, Chapman. As I was saying we are a respected company; our father worked here, our grandfather died working here and so will I, one day. We get a body in the coffin in the ground on time-“

“Rudyard, will you help me or not?” asked Eric, growing more and more irritated. He wanted to know the answer, fast. Talking to this man was so tiring he started regretting inviting him to a dinner. He needed help, though. So there was Rudyard, talking and talking about his business and not giving Chapman the answer he wanted. But how could he make him shut up…?

“One more time, my sister and I run this funeral home for over 17 years and that’s longer than you’ve been on this island and-“

This went on and on. Eric couldn’t wait. This whole evening was a mess. He just wanted to ask Funn one question but it was impolite to just come to him on the street, so of course Chapman had to make it official, with an invitation and a dinner. But after doing all that, not achieving the goal would be dissatisfactory. 

“-one day you’ll see, Chapman! Our firm will be so much more than yours is now, I assure you-“ continued the angry man. His face started to take a colour of the tomato, his lips opening and closing so fast it was nearly amazing. His lips… 

Oh, this gave Eric an idea. Not the best one or the most pleasant one, but. An idea nevertheless. 

Meanwhile, Rudyard started to really get into it. Talking and declaring a war, repeating statements, yelling at no one in particular. He opened his mouth to threaten Chapman more, when-

He could talk no more. 

He sensed a light pressure on his lips. He felt something wet and hot on them. A delicate stroke of cheek. A clumsy pull of a hair. A touch of someone’s nose on Rudyard’s nose. A breath mixing with his. A muffled cry in his throat. A sensation like no other. A sensation he has never experienced. A kiss. His eyes were wide open. A kiss from Eric Chapman. Eric Chapman, his arch nemesis. Erich Chapman, the man everyone in the village loves. 

And just like that, the kiss was over. And all that was left was the confusion, anger and a memory of a pressure that was once there.

Chapman was the first to speak afterwards.

“So there IS a way to get you to shut up” concluded Chapman, looking less agitated than earlier.

“I-“ 

Rudyard looked puzzled. His mouth was opening and closing again, this time no words were coming out of it. 

“Can you give me the answer now, new friend?” repeated the handsome fella, licking his lips. They were chopped and full and right there- ‘Snap out of it, Rudyard! You are a respected- You are a businessman. Focus!’

“I- I-“ stuttered Funn, unable to say anything coherently; his face even more red than before.

“What, cat got your tongue?” teased Eric, looking at his guest expectedly. “Will you do it? Will you help me?”

“I will. If you promise to never to that again” demanded the failed undertaker harshly.

“Very well. That’s a deal, then” declared Chapman, extending his hand. “I can’t wait to talk to Georgie again.”

“Yes” said the other man, quietly. 

They shook hands. Later none of them mentioned the kiss and they said their goodbyes with diverse range of feelings.

Eric was feeling ecstatic; his plan was working! Soon the girl of his dreams will talk to him. And if all that it took was a dinner with this man and a small kiss… He was prepared for much more. He meant he was willing to give him money and make him likeable, obviously. But being his friend works too. Well, that is one problem less to worry about.   
Rudyard, on the other hand was feeling things. He felt this weird emotion he was yet to name. For now he hoped the other man hadn’t noticed how shaky his hands were or how husky his voice became all of the sudden. Or how his face wasn’t the only body part filled with blood tonight… Yeah, better not to think about the last one, to be honest.

***

Everything went quickly afterwards. Funn mentioned a deal with Chapman to Antigone, without getting into details of that night. Not that his sister would listen to him either way. She wasn’t exactly happy to know that he’d agreed to a set their employee with their rival, but a profit is a profit. 

Soon, Georgie started to talk to Eric to mollify her bosses, although she had no intention of ever marrying the guy. 

With this, everything was calm for a while. Chapman and Funn even began to greet each other on the street, smiling at each other. Smiling Chapman was nothing abnormal, but smiling Rudyard caused a few indiscreet theories. They were all debunked when someone heard from their neighbour that their cat witnessed someone talking to the other person how their favourite Eric Chapman went on a date with Georgie. Then everyone dismissed all previous rumours as a fun story to tell while cracking a cold one open with folks.   
After the deal, Rudyard began to change. No one beside Madeline noticed it at first, but he started to be more friendly and tranquil. He wasn’t so harsh with words and so inconsiderate of other’s feelings. He was still Rudyard, just… more likeable. He talked a lot and had an anger management issue but it was a good start. 

Thanks to a friendly aura that began to form around Rudyard, people started to slowly forgive him his slip ups. There is nothing a smile and a cool attitude can’t fix. If you are Eric Chapman, that is.

One day, Chapman decided to visit his newly acquired friend in his funeral home. He wanted to ask him how he was feeling, since no one has seen him for a couple of days.

The door were open, which wasn’t unusual. After all, Death never sleeps.

“Hello? Rudyard?” he shouted when no one seemed to answer to the bell.

“Here!” the familiar voice came from the back room. “Coming!”

When Rudyard emerged from the storage room, he somehow look different from a Rudyard from a few weeks ago. His hair were messy, shirt’s first button unbuttoned. And his eyes were full of life, which has never happened before. All of this made Eric very uneasy for one particular reason. 

“Good day! Haven’t seen you for a while, friend!” he started, not knowing where to put his eyes. 

“Yes” answered Funn with a husky voice. 

“What may be the reason for that?”

“I had… things to do” blurred out one of the twins finally. 

“Oh, come on, Rudyard! You were doing so well! Don’t come back to your usual pessimistic self!” Eric did everything he could not to sound unpleasantly. He’d hoped Funn would take advantage of an opportunity Chapman created for him. “What kept you busy these last days?”

“I was thinking, Chapman” explained his interlocutor gloomily. “Using my brain? Something you don’t seem to be doing that often.”

“Now you offend me, my friend”. The guest came closer and put his hands on his neighbour’s shoulders. “Thank you for allowing me to improve my relationship with Georgie, I appreciate it. Now, have YOU did all you could to get new customers?”

“Chapman!” the man finally snapped. His breath became unsteady, face introducing a trail of red visible to Eric only because he stood close to Funn. “For the love of-“

Oh-oh. There it is! The old Rudyard! Chapman smiled triumphantly.

“There’s the Rudyard I know! Now, old pal, how’ve you been doing?”

The owner of the Funn Funerals took a deep breath.

And started to scream. Very. Loudly.

“Chapma-aaaaaaaaaaaaa-“ 

It was an instinct, really. What worked once should work for a second time, right?

That is why without a second thought, Eric extended his hand and pressed his lips to Rudyard’s. On the bright side – his self-proclaimed ex arch nemesis stopped screaming. On the dark side – he was now kissing him. And- Oh, maybe HE was being kissed? Wait. What a ridiculous idea! 

When Chapman stepped back, his ex-rival was a panting mess. Eric was surprised that the man has lost his composure so quickly. It was just a kiss, after all. Unless…

“Oh” he blurted out. “That wasn’t your first, was it?”

The silence spoke volumes it that case. 

“I’m so sorry, Rudyard!” he began, trying to find the right words. “There’s no justification for what I did, I just- I assumed that-“ He started to stutter.

“Chapman” mumbled his friend.

“Yes, Rudyard?” 

“I asked you one thing, Chapman. I asked you to not do it again.” 

“That you did” admitted Eric, ashamed of his own behaviour.

“You’re right. There is no justification for what you did” started Rudyard Funn calmly and swallowed hard. "I did as you asked. Why can’t you do the same?”

“I-“

“Thought so”. Funn closed his eyes and took a deep breath, again. His voice was quiet as never. “I need you, so I will forget about this. But-“ he looked Eric deep in the eyes and maintained eye contact for the rest of the conversation. “But if you truly respect me as a person, you will never do that again. You can just tell me to shut up instead of-“

“Instead of kissing you, got it”. This time Chapman looked away. “I’m sorry.”

“Are you, really?” Rudyard’s voice was bitter. “Would you be sorry if you hadn’t stolen my first kiss? Not that I care about those things, but I have a feeling that’s not how adults should behave.”

“Look who’s talking” teased Eric. He was feeling guilty, but his usual positive energy was slowly coming back to him. Ignoring the weird look his host gave him, he continued. “Like you weren’t just screaming like a sad baby whose toy was taken away.”

“Fair point.”

“Sorry.”

“Go home, Chapman. I’m tired.”

He looked like he was. So Eric gave him an apologetic smile, a nod and went back to his place after bellowing ‘Enjoy yourself!’ in a slightly panicked manner.  
That’s how things are in the island of Piffling.

***

The next time Eric and Rudyard met was during an impossibly long funeral service. Someone they both knew was going to be buried and they asked both funeral homes to do the honours. So now Chapman was stuck next to Funn for the next couple of hours. Because there’s no way he will let the other man hurry the ceremony just to get away from him.  
Rudyard knew this, of course. Otherwise he would stop talking an hour ago. And Eric, remembering his promise and minding all the people around had no other option than to listen to him. He tried to shush him subtly; to no effect.

“-and so I tell her, Jane, ‘that’s not the best idea’ but she-“

“Rudyard, I don’t think this is the best moment to describe how your acquaintance got rid of her warts.”

“Wait, we didn’t get to the best part yet!” exclaimed Funn with disappointment.

“Rud-“

“Mr Funn, Mr Chapman, I must insist you leave the ceremony. We can conduct it without your supervision” interrupted them the priest.

“But-“

“Please, leave for now. We appreciate what you did for us but we want to mourn in silence” insisted one of the attendees.

“Oh- Excuse me, then” whispered Eric, linking his arm with Funn’s. “Enjoy yourselves.”

“Oh no, we won’t-“ Rudyard started to raise his voice, but a quick pinch on the forearm made him change his mind. “I’m sorry, Miss, we’re leaving this instant.”

After closing the door, they found themselves in a dark of nightfall. After considering their possibilities, they decided they should start heading back home. After all, mourners looked to be doing just fine on their own.

They walked in silence for a few minutes. It wasn’t unpleasant but every good thing has to come to an end.

“What a day, eh?” Eric first broke the quiet and attempted to initiate the conversation.

“Yes, quite a day indeed.”

“But that’s why I needed some other… tool to shush you” Chapman blurted out innocently.

“Oh?” Rudyard acted surprised.

“Yes. When you start talking, you are unstoppable” the man carried on, avoiding the eye contact with his mate. “You’re like a hurricane. Just as deadly but not as majestic.”

Funn murmured something in response. He was oddly quiet.

“I’m sorry, you know. For all of this” Eric admitted, looking at the dark blue sky and an almost full moon. It felt nostalgic in a way. “It turned out great, though. For you.”

“And not for you?” Rudyard snapped at him. “You’ve got the girl, the business… What else do you need?”

“I am aware that Georgie will never love me back, you know” Eric confessed and put his arms around himself to warm up a bit. “I knew it from the start. Well, maybe I didn’t. But I had my suspicions.”

“So why have you asked me to do what I did?” shocked, his friend turned to see Chapman’s face better. There was no use for it now, though, as the moon was covered by the clouds. 

“I like her companionship”. Eric stopped. “Just as I like yours.”

“But-“

“No, let me say it. You were the most unpleasant person I’ve ever met in my life. You were rude and had no shame. Your funerals were sloppy and no good. They lacked class. They were so traditional.”

“I’m-“

“And you did some crazy and unnecessary things in the past. You were being unreasonable and stubborn; shushing everyone who disagreed with you. No argue with that.”

Eric took a deep breath.

“And I know I’m not perfect either. I was manipulative and persistent, didn’t take ‘no’ for an answer. And I know I’ve hurt you. I know I will hurt you in the future. I am not a great guy everyone thinks I am. But you’re not half as bad as they think you are and-“

“Chapman.”

“Yes?”

“Will you shut up so that I can I kiss you now?”

“With pleasure.”

END


End file.
